


Overstayed Welcome

by Nachorizo



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alien Biology, Cats, Circle Stories, Drunkenness, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Minor Character Death, POV Second Person, Prophecy, Referenced cannibalism, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29666673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachorizo/pseuds/Nachorizo
Summary: Your calm night ends when there's a clumsy series of knocks at the door.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: Circle Stories





	Overstayed Welcome

The door opened to reveal an unexpected visitor.

His cape was flowing and magnificent. His hair was as white as wool and as rough as straw. He also had mud drenched over his hair. He looked like a Halloween Town discount Gandalf, if you were being honest. He was also clearly inebriated.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"You will address me as Magnificent Wizard if you know what's good for you," he told you.

"Dave.....? What the hell are you doing here at two in the morning?"

He offered you a large box covered in sequins and mud. It was a very strange box, pink on one side and green on the other also rather soggy. The box smelled of sewage and liquor, a most unpleasant combination. Dave loved it though. He clearly loved it a little too much come to think of it.

You take the box a little hesitantly to peer into it, and set it on the floor.

"No!" Dave cried. "That box is as precious as my firstborn! Don't put it on the floor!"

"That poor firstborn," you thought. Then you remembered that Dave didn't have any children.

"You must help me," Dave drunkenly slurred.

"I hear there's an AA meeting next door," you snidely remark. 

Dave points at you. "That's not anonymous!"

"No seriously Dave, what the hell are you doing here?... And what's with the stinky box?" You sigh.

He ignores you entirely. "Plus! If I went to the AA meeting, who would eat the baby?"

At this point, you seriously considered going for the baseball bat next to the door. Dave and you loved a good game of baseball. For a second you thought that it was too early for this bullshit and that you should take Dave home. But you instead decided to try to push Dave towards the shed in your backyard to sleep it off.

Unfortunately, Dave was about twice your size and very unhelpful. Dave just pushed you away like a ragdoll. You contemplated setting the shed on fire with him in it.

He kept mumbling something about a prophecy, and it was really pissing you off. "I shall rule them all. The one," he proclaimed. "Do you realize what this means my good friend?!" He drunkenly slurred.

"Bro, your breath," You winced, as he leaned into your face. "No, I burned the cactus at night so you'd shut up about the damned prophecy!"

He looked betrayed.

You opened the box finally, before he could stop you. You started massaging your temples and accidentally brained yourself with the bat while you're looking in the box. Inside was a...

Bag of cat shit. And a cat. The cat stared at you sullenly.

But this cat wasn't normal. It was bald and had like 12 nostrils. It was also blue...rather peculiar. Fucking ugliest piece of cat you ever did see. It did, however, have some fabulous eyebrows.

Now that you thought about it, it had a startling resemblance to Megamind, that blue alien dude. What an awful film.

The cat then said, "I was comfortable mate and then this wanker stole me and my shit." Dave was still drunkenly proclaiming prophecies to a bush. "I can hear what you're thinking, man, and I completely disagree," the cat declared.

"You liked that film? Now I know you're a monster," you said, slurring from the concussion you inadvertently gained. Then you realized you're talking to a blue, bald, cat. You wondered how drunk you are.

"Says the one who's actually talking to me. Let me introduce myself" the cat said, "my name is James." The cat raised an eyebrow. How do cats have eyebrows?! "You should get that checked out, head injuries are serious," said the cat. 

You looked fuzzily back at the cat. ' _Ah_ ,' you realized. This is the result of the concussion you gave yourself.

"James is a sexy name," you mused, "I knew a goat named James once..." 

"Oh? Did this goat have 3 eyes?"

Dave, meanwhile, was picking now his nose with a fork in your kitchen. "Dave you daft moron, use the end with the prongs. It's more efficient!" you yelled out to him. You turned back to the cat to ask, "I really am curious why you care about your shit so much."

_"What am I even saying?"_ you thought to yourself. You didn't even want this man in your house and now you're giving him advice on how to pick his nose?

"He is super annoying," the cat said, reading your mind. "And to answer your question, it has monetary value," the cat said Haughtily. 

Dave stuck the fork in his mouth. You and the cat both jerked back at that sight. Facepalming, you go take it away from him. You laughed then stopped in horror as the fork morphed into a balding rat that jumped out of his mouth. 

_**JAMES IS NOT BALD YOU FUCKER**_

You wondered why there was a voice in your head that kept saying that. 

The rat introduces himself as Mini Jimmy. It scurried away, or at least it tried to.

The cat lashed out a paw and trapped it. The James caught it and ate it in 3 quick gulps. Mini jimmy was no more. The bald james killed him. 

_**JAMES IS NOT BALD YOU FUCKER**_

There it was again!

You didn't know whether to be impressed or disgusted at the sight of Mini Jimmy being eaten. Suddenly the cat began to glow and levitate towards the ceiling.

"Oh here we go," James sighed. The cat mewled, "Get me down!!"

" _Wow_ " you thought, " _These are some crazy mushrooms I ate_." You cry, "Dave do something!" 

Dave slammed headfirst into the table. Guess it's all up to you now.

You got a fishing net and attempted to catch the cat. And then you remembered, once again: the concussion.

The room swayed and mercifully, you blacked out. Hopefully, when you awake, all your problems will be gone. As you faded from consciousness, you heard purring as the cat watched over you.

And yet, Dave is the first thing you see when you open your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> The people who contributed to this circle stories are:  
> dw6fanmanxd  
> sksksks or grass#7863 on discord  
> TheVictorianLady#9092 on discord  
> InsomniacWithoutLife#9681  
> Kiwi_Kitty_Cat or John Seca Pee#6273  
> gesundheit28 or Gesundheit#6787  
> KingCarvar#6969


End file.
